How I Got My Book Deal

We're taking the long and twisty road for this one.

Where to begin?

I won’t bore you with explaining my entire publishing journey, because that’s not why you clicked on this newsletter. What’s important to know is I spent over ten years writing stories with the intention of wanting my books in bookstores, and in my late twenties, I finally made that dream into a reality.

But not without a load of twists first.

IN THE COMPANY OF KILLERS will be my first ever published book. Traditionally or otherwise. But it isn’t my first book I’ve ever written. Before I got the idea for the story in November 2018 on route to an early-morning university class, I wrote two other Young Adult novels. Those novels might forever stay in their digital drawer, but they will always have a special place in my heart as the first two novels that taught me so much about storytelling, receiving feedback, navigating the online publishing community, what true friendship & support looks like, and how to (and how to not) deal with rejection. I owe a lot to those novels, but it’s my Upper YA mafia book that’ll be the first of my book children to hold a spot on readers’ shelves.

So. How exactly was my journey to getting a book deal with ITCOK not-so smooth?

In December 2019, I signed with my literary agent just before the new year — the new decade! — and my writing career felt like a bright, golden light in front of me, filled with all the things I’d yearned & strived for, that was now in reach of my eager hands. I went into the new decade filled with excitement and surety that my fast “Yes” from my wonderful agent when I queried her would continue to be a speedy timeline to a book deal, making me dizzy with confidence and validation. And yet…

I thought I had been humbled enough at this point, built a thick skin from the many rejections and twists I faced beforehand, but the next three years would prove otherwise.

I don’t need to remind you of how rough 2020 was. No one was immune — myself included. Just when I thought we’d go at lightning speed from revision to submission to book deal ended up being the opposite. The universe (and my agent) had other plans (i.e. lessons) for me that I can now look back on with a seasoned understanding of why they happened the way they did. I’m better for it. The book is better for it.

While my agent saw all the amazing potential for the book (and thank goodness for that), she gave me the tough-love reality that it needed work. A lot of work. Without giving major spoilers away, the story cut off right at the major climax moment between my main character, Tasha, and the villain! I honestly chuckle when I think back on that original version. I don’t know what I was thinking, but thank goodness my agent saw what it could become and took a chance on it and me.

So, I had to go back to the drawing board and ended up rewriting the story (and adding a proper ending this time) with my agent’s detailed notes. I took a while to get that done, and despite feeling confident about it when I reached the ending, a small voice had me questioning myself and the book despite all the work I’d put into it. Was this truly the version of the story I wanted to tell? What if people hated it? Hated Tasha? Hated me?

In hindsight, my creative intuition was trying to speak to me, but it got muddled from outside fears, making it impossible for me to tell the difference between legitimate concerns and not. There was a problem with that version of the story that I couldn’t understand/see yet. My agent had tried to guide me in the right direction, but I’d taken a wrong turn and now didn’t know how to keep going forward.

I’m sure you’ve been there before. You dream up this amazing idea for a new story, project, etc that you know would be so, so cool to create, but you’re not at the right place in your skill set to make it a reality. Looking back, that was me with IN THE COMPANY OF KILLERS. When the idea came to me, I instantly fell in love with it and dived in with tons of enthusiasm….not realizing I wasn’t at the right skill level yet to do it justice. I thought I just needed to keep throwing more and more attempts at the wall until it magically fixed itself rather than working on the craft of writing first. Sometimes that means taking literal classes, reading all the craft books out there, and writing other stories without the fear of failing at it. Sometimes it looks like reading tons of books, watching lots of movies & shows, and absorbing life in general until your eyes are unclouded by past barriers. In other words — time. Usually, it’s a mix of both. For me to tackle ITCOK properly, it definitely was.

Despite that clarity I have now, I didn’t have any of it back when I was in the thick of working on the story in the early years. Which is why I let the fear I was experiencing get the best of me. Starting in the Fall of 2020, I rewrote over half the book a third time — and not for the betterment. I dampened ITCOK, shielding the heart of it from readers, making it more “digestible.” I hurt it more than I helped it, but I was ruled by my fears, scared to stand my ground with what my heart — and my creative intuition — were trying to tell me.

Naturally, when I was finished rewriting the story again, the little voice in my head was still there. My creative intuition was trying to tell me I needed to slow down and not get so worked up over the outside forces of submission, book deals, etc and give the book (and myself) time to rest. But I didn’t listen to it. I listened to my fears of thinking I had to move forward at an arbitrary speed or else miss out on ever reaching my dreams. It’s a foolish perspective looking back, but when you’re seeing all the flashy news from others that are seemingly moving at record speed, it’s easy to fall into the trap of fearing it’s not going to happen to you if you aren’t keeping up. I absolutely fell in and it was hurting me mentally & physically the longer I stayed in that mindset.

In this time, my wonderful agent got pregnant with her little one (yay!) and went on mat leave. With all my stresses around ITCOK happening as well, it felt like a good time to shelve the book for a while and move onto other book ideas to release some of the tension and fears around the story. While it felt devastating at the time, I didn’t realize how crucial it was to do that for the betterment of the book and myself as a writer. Sometimes stepping away is the best option in the long-run instead of pushing over and over hoping for a different outcome.

So I spent the majority of 2021 writing my fourth YA book. It was shiny and new and didn’t have me questioning much….at first. Eventually, when I started asking trusted critique partners and beta readers for their feedback on that book, I realized my heart wasn’t in the right place yet to continue tearing it apart and figuring out what I wanted it to be. I loved the concept of the book, but I realized I wasn’t strong enough in my craft yet to tell that story in the best way.

That realization was the first important step to coming back to ITCOK.

I ended up shelving that fourth YA and moved onto my fifth idea. I really, truly loved that book too. Especially because it helped me grow so much in my craft and realize this while I worked on it. That book gave me a new wave of confidence I desperately needed to understand what my strengths were in telling stories — and where I’d gone wrong in previous ones.

It was the book that made me realize I finally had it in me to retackle — and rewrite — IN THE COMPANY OF KILLERS the way it was well and truly meant to be told.

2023 rolled around and I finally decided to pull ITCOK off the shelf once more. There was something in that story I could never quite relinquish. It had a hold on me in a way that was uniquely its own. Where I just knew, deep in my bones, that it had to be a story I came back to, and came back to, until finally I got it right.

In telling you my journey, I did gloss over one detail. While I was working on my fourth book, my close friend (and CP)’s editor started following me on Instagram. My friend had re-shared a video I’d made of that book and it caught her attention who then, to my shock, decided to follow me. I didn’t know how to react and went back to my life, tucking this piece of information away (and being reminded every time she liked one of my posts, that an editor was in fact keeping up with me — eek!).

In early 2023, after I’d started posting about ITCOK again, is when things took a bizarrely amazing turn.

This editor who followed me emailed my agent, saying how intrigued she was with the concept, and asked if she could read.

….

WHAT!?

I didn’t know how to respond at first. I’d given a mental funeral to the drafts that had previously existed and was prepared to move on to rewriting it with my strengthened skills and a better understanding of the story I wanted to tell.

So, I did the unthinkable. I asked if this editor could wait until the newest version existed. The last thing I wanted was to throw one of the old versions at her and have it fail to live up to her excitement. Or have to commit to one of the old drafts I knew in my heart wasn’t the best version of it.

My agent supported my decision and a clear path was formed. I knew what my next few months would look like as I dived back into drafting ITCOK again, preparing it for a nervously exciting future.

Hahahaha. I had no idea what was actually in store.

A week or so passed. This editor came back and promptly emailed my agent again, stating she couldn’t stop thinking about ITCOK and was asking again if she could read. She didn’t mind that I was working on a new version and wanted to read the last draft of it. I was flabbergasted. My agent told me that while she supported whatever decision I made, she really believed we needed to give this a shot. And despite my worries, I finally agreed. I gave my own, “Yes.”

The time after that was a mix of a whirlwind and a haze. I waited with bated breath to hear what (if anything) would transpire from this editor reading ITCOK. To my absolute delight, she loved it and so did the rest of her team. This editor got exactly what the heart of ITCOK is and was totally on board with the new ideas I had for it and presented so many amazing suggestions I hadn’t thought of before! I couldn’t believe this turn of events. Here was an editor who got — and loved — this story so perfectly and had pursued me so enthusiastically for it. She was the last piece I needed to achieve my dream of being a published author. All I had to do now was hope it made it through the acquisitions meeting where the imprint as a whole had to agree it should be part of their list.

Then on April 5th, 2023, I got The Call.

My agent called me that morning to tell me the thrilling news that we had an offer. We had finally made it, IN THE COMPANY OF KILLERS had finally made it, and would truly be my debut novel. A gut feeling I’d had ever since I first dreamt the story up and could never let go of despite the winding road it took to get here. My long-held dreams were about to become a reality because of Ruqayyah Daud and the rest of the team at Little, Brown Books for Young Readers.

In the heightened period of waiting to see if ITCOK would get through acquisitions, my mom and I agreed if I got the deal we would fly down to New York City and do a celebration fit for my book. So, when the news hit, we booked our flights and were off to celebrate in one of my favourite cities! We spent time with my agent and hugged and cheered that the story neither of us had stopped believing in had finally found a publisher. While my #1 Fan (aka Mom) acted as my personal photographer. It was magical. Looking back, it still is.

✨

We’ve come to the end of this chapter, because it certainly isn’t the end overall. I have so many more goals, so many more dreams, I want to pursue since I’ve made it over the threshold of that first book deal. I may not be such a starry-eyed writer like I used to be, but I still know I can dream for more. For myself and for my books. I’ve learned so much over the years about the realities of this business and about myself. So I feel more confident in saying that regardless of what’s in store for me down the road, I’ll be able to take it in stride (and if not, I have trusted, wonderful friends & my fantastic agent who are my ride or dies that can help keep me grounded. They’ve done it before, haha).

If you’re a writer, or even if you’re not, and you’re still on your path to reaching a dream you desperately want, I hope my story gives you some kind of comfort. I know there are many flashy stories out there of how someone pulled the lucky golden ticket right away and now everything has fallen into place so smoothly for them. Those stories can be very difficult to read when you’re still in the throngs of fighting for your dreams as well, especially when your version consists of many obstacles blocking your path (by outside forces or your own personal ones). I get it. I was feeling those feels not long ago, too.

Which is why I wanted to share my journey of fighting for my dreams with you. You never know when or how your twist of luck & stars aligning will arrive. Which is infuriating, but also miraculous in a way. That any random day of the week your dreams could finally be within reach and your life never quite the same. A clear before and after in your own personal, special way. I love that… even when it’s more like love-hate (it’s a constant work in progress, let’s be honest). But walking that journey is filled with so much good, too. Like passion, wonder, inspiration, dedication, exhilaration. The things that spark a light inside you no matter what may occur on the outside.

And that’s what makes it all worth it. At some time, at some point.

Take care.

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